>> For what I've done in the past, there's no pride.
I cheated, I lied, I did what I wanted to get me to a less miserable life ... I failed. The game wasn't worth the pain after all.
And I saw an end, towards which I was running. I wanted this end, I wanted a closure. I would have preferred to die than to live another day under my skin.
I was cutting, but I couldn't feel the pain anymore - I was damaged. Stuck in a life of struggle, where happiness didn't seem to exist ...
That's where I found you. That's where you found me.
That night, I remember clearly, the bottle was almost empty and the pills were almost gone. I was already leaving ... My soul was sucked out of my body, I couldn't move anymore.
That's when my phone rang - your text. There was nothing to it but the usual daytime messages. Nothing special that would have changed my mind. There couldn't be anyways, since no one knew. So how ... Was it something you felt ? That would be such life-romantic poetry I can't barely imagine it happened.
But this text, in all its glory, was IT. The thing that caught me while I was falling. And I thought to myself : why would I do that ? Why would I kill myself ? Sure, I was under the bottom lines of my expectations. Sure, I wasn't happy. But could that be a good enough reason to let go ? No. It wasn't. It's not. And it should never be.
That time, you saved me without even noticing how great you changed my life. And I swore to God, to all the Saints, to the Universe itself that I was going to save you back someday.
I know you don't need me, you sure do well on your own. But no matter what, I'll be standing with you - tall and proud - in the way of life. Through it all, until the end ... That's the promise I made last year and I don't intend to break it.
So don't you bail on me now and tell me to back off, because you know I won't. With all due respect, you gained someone who loves you, who wants to give you the best shot no matter what happens. I know about the sacrifices, don't you think I've never been through them for you ... But you gave me my life back when you saved me, and I nothing I'll do will ever match your selfless act.
You. You're the one giving me hope. In friendship and in humanity. Because we are humans after all, in all our glory ... <<